‘Time Zones’ is the title of the monumental first episode that marks the first stretch of the final season of one of the greatest shows ever: Mad Men.  Yeah, season seven’s not actually over until its second leg in 2015, but never mind that.  See my musings below for a spoiler free (BASICALLY spoiler free) recap of the whole thing.

Elizabeth Rice will be big.  She’s gorgeous and, as far as I can tell so far, is becoming more and more prominent in Mad Men as the foot-stomping daughter of Roger Sterling.  Season three saw one of Margaret Sterling’s best moments, as she threw a Campbell worthy diva fit when John F. Kennedy had the indecency to get assassinated on her wedding day. Back in the real world, Rice is headlining several interesting sounding movies: firstly, as a dancer during the social revolution in Garden of Eden, and secondly as a suicidal young girl called Beth in – wait for it – Buttwhistle. When will the Academy Award category for Best Film Title be created?     

Megan Draper’s hemlines will rise shorter and shorter, until they graze her navel and give a tasteful flash of belly button.  Meanwhile, much as the moon sways the tides, her eyelashes will sense the change and gradually grow larger and larger, until they are able to fan a breeze across the whole of Manhattan.  Meg’s bell sleeves will get floatier, while hair gets bigger and earrings get danglier.  It’s a season of all-or-nothing for Mrs Draper number two.

Pete Campbell’s hairline… can it be salvaged?  I wish it could, although it seems dubious.  Maybe Sterling, Cooper and Partners will land a hair plugs client..?  No, probably not.  Also, Pete Campbell would never sink to hair plugs level, it merely makes me feel bad for Vincent Kartheiser.  See my skilful photo editing skills comparable to those who do pro web design and development to provide you with an insightful before and after. You’re welcome.

Is it me, or is everything getting ever more arty and conceptual?  Freddy’s opening monologue to the camera in one of his crisp long sleeve performance shirts makes for a solid one minute and 33 seconds of through-the-fourth-wall eye contact.  Megan Draper’s entrance is played out in sexy slow-mo as she swishes out of her soft top to Don’s mighty approval while I’m a Man plays (wait, was this meant to be real or a figment of Don’s ego?  It’s not always easy to tell.)  Then, good god, someone please explain why Don is shivering outside on the terrace at the end? Is he in DANGER?  Is he just morbidly shocked at finally facing his own, jobless reality?  What.  Does.  It all.  Mean.

Oh, right, and Joan.  Killing it, as per.  Looking beautiful.  Getting business DONE.  Can’t wait to see more of good ol’ Chrizzy Hendricks in episode two.